’tis the season for singing

Today i feel as if friday could have come MUCH sooner than it has. I think I am suffereing this week from triptifan poisoning. I am thoroughly excited for the weekend. I have so many thoughts running through my head as i dove into Lord of the Rings for my subway reading this week. Hope to blog about that this weekend. But the thing i am most excited for is that my husband and I are singing in our church’s volunteer holiday choir on sunday. We are rehearsing tomorrow morning. I am like a little girl excited for her birthday. Every time i think about it, my stomach flips and a stupid smile spreads across my face. It’s been quite a while since i have been involved in this passion of mine as college studies and busy life have drawn me away. I am very much looking forward to falala-ing all weekend.

-Jane

thankful

I am sitting here this evening, a fire cracking in the fireplace, we’ve broken out the Christmas music, and my husband has dozed off on the floor. What a wonderful weekend we have had. My little sister came to visit and we spent Thanksgiving in NYC. It was magical, just as expected.

I prepared my first Thanksgiving meal. I love to cook and make a home. What a joy it was to have this experience; to prepare a meal for two of my favorite people in the world. We enjoyed the city, shopped, ice skated.

I am so proud of my baby sister, who is no longer a baby, but a young woman. I am so thankful for her and the heart and mind she has developed over the years. Oh, family is such a treasure. Along with Thanksgiving has come the cold weather and the anticipation of the holidays and the time we will spend with our loved ones. Thank you, dear sister, for a great kick-off.

-Jane

confused

I am confused about my job and where my focus should be. I have been working for over 4 months now at a design firm that lacks integrity and encourages and endorses our clients to live a lifestyle I do not agree with. I have struggled with the question of wether i should stay or leave as soon as possible. my answer changes from day to day. It might benefit my career to stay a little longer as i have a history of not keeping a job for very long and this is my first job in the design field. I also am broken for the people i work for and with. They seem so far down the wrong path, i can’t even find my way deep enough to pull them out of it. But is there anything that can be positively done here through me keeping this job? I am not in a place of power. Sometimes i feel as if i am watching important days pass by, days where i could be serving God by working creatively towards the goal of sustainable architecture. Am I being a good steward of what God has given me? Do I want to leave for selfish reasons? Am I staying for selfish reasons?

More and more I long to be on the green building front. What is the next step? Where do I go from here?

-Jane

sticky yellow leaves

A chilly, rainy, blustery day in NYC; The steam is seeping from the sewars, swirling in the whirlwinds caused by swift-walking passers by. The sidewalks are wet, and in this part of Manhattan, they are thrillingly cemented with sticky yellow leaves. It’s perfect.

-Jane

a romantic secret

Found written on a peace of paper and sewn into the lining of his coat right above his heart:

“In the year of grace 1654, Monday, 23rd November…from about half past ten in the evening until about half past midnight…fire. God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, not the god of philosophers and of the learned. Certainty, Joy. Certainty. Emotion. Sight. Joy. Forgetfulness of the world outside of God. The world has not known Thee, but now I have known Thee. Joy. Joy. Joy. Tears of joy. My God, don’t leave me. Let me not ever be separated from you.”

                                                                   -Blaise Pascal

What an incredible secret him and God shared together.

Lord, continue to reveal yourself to your people. May I ever seek you.

-Jane

power

Ephesians 3:14-21

“14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[ a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
 20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

For a while now I have had this underlying prayer to understand God’s power and to experience his presence (whatever that means). I have discovered over more recently that this is possible. Out of desperation for him, I have sought to understand the person of God, and when we truly begin to do this, we suddenly begin to experience him in a way we never expected. In the past two weeks I have felt the presence of God through pondering grief and death (see searching for answers), I have spent an entire day in discomfort as God stirred in my heart and tore away a desire (see about children), I have relaxed in his beauty (see welcome to windham and little children, mountain runs, and footed bathtubs), I have praised as I heard God’s faithfullness last night in a great conversation with my sister, and today experienced the power of prayer as a i recieved a raise in an amount far beyond what i requested. Thank you to all who prayed for this. 

I am overwhelmed and in awe. The words are not really flowing, but Paul’s prayer is appropriate here i think. This raise was more than just an increase in funds but an incredible gift from the Father as he continues to reveal himself to me and hopefully, as a result, to others.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

-Jane 

little children, mountain runs, and footed bathtubs

Yesterday was our one and only full day in Windham. Taking our time was the theme of the day. We woke up around 7:45 and laid in bed till 9 when we joined our inn keeper for a breakfast of waffles and omelettes. The inn keeper (The eldest of three brothers who run the B&B together) happened to be hosting a little family reunion of his own this same weekend. One by one, little feet (belonging to nieces and nephews) came pattering down the stairs to join us at the table for coco crispies and fruity pebbles. not your typical vacation to say the least, but we ended up having a splendid time watching the children play and getting to play with them ourselves. I enjoyed this small taste of family, looking forward to the approaching holidays. After these morning festivities, my husband and I went for a run in the mountains. I love running on the Brooklyn Bridge, but as we ran along a mountain stream, mountains surrouding us on all sides, I couldn’t help but be refreshed. My lungs were being cleaned out as i breathed deeply.

After having showered we went into town, perusing antique shops and art galleries in a town that seemed nearly uninhabited. We came upon a little white colonial building with a beautiful sign out front which read Windham Spa. I had to go in and at least have a look at their remedies on the shelves. I had had a desire in the back of my head since the beginning of our trip, which my husband had lovingly noted. A true obsession of mine, I must admit, is a bathroom with a footed bathtub. We had been presented with such a bathroom upon arriving at the Catskill Lodge. Oh how I wanted just a half hour of glorious soaking in that beautiful tub. I was determined to get it. I asked the woman at the counter if they had any bath salts for sale, as i could not find any on the shelf. She pointed to a rather large glass jar behind the counter and explained they just started collecting some but haven’t come up with a system to sell them. My face must not have hidden my disappointment well because she scooped some into a bag and handed it to me with a smile, saying, “Here, this is on me. Enjoy your bath.” And I willingly obeyed.

We have been spoiled here so far. Today I feel that anxiety of the last day of a trip. I am not quite ready to head back into the city, but I know we cannot stay here forever, for the Lord gives us these times so that we can get back to our work. We still have an entire afternoon ahead of us before we wave goodbye to Windham. So what am I sitting here for?

-Jane

Accomplishing relaxation

Relaxing is just so hard to get done.  I think that’s because I think about relaxing the same way I think about work; my time relaxing must be structured, and I must get a certain list of things accomplished as I relax.  This unspoken, insane ‘to-do-list’ attitidue infects that little time I do have to relax, quickly delivering me right back to another work week without the recharge I need to survive it.

My beautiful wife and I decided to take a long weekend upstate to get away from the city and enjoy God’s beautiful creation.  What is so frustrating about only a few days in the paradise of mountains, streams, and woods, is that a few days is not long enough to truly enjoy what we’re surrounded by.  Nature must be basked in; it cannot be experienced in a moment’s glance or a quick drive by.  This is not how it always was, though.  Nowadays, we are constantly surrounded by the sterility of concrete, brick, and steel in the city; beauty exists there, but in a complex, convaluted sense:  a mess of human creations meant to increase efficiency and multiply the connections we can make between businesses and friends.  The city is created to give us more, more, MORE!!!  Nature gives us what we need and that only, a concept we have magically escaped from as a generation of technologized patrons of excess.

So when we take a step outside of this grand human invention to the simplicity of nature, our minds immediately continue along the trajectory they are accustomed to: git ‘r done.  It was tempting to plan a weekend of accomplishments for ourselves, but what ever happened to silence, solitidue, solice?  We have gone and made our lives too complicated, so complicated that we cannot even escape from the complexity for a long weekend.

One day, when eternal rest comes, I hope that this flawed nature has been removed.  Then, perhaps for the first time, I will be able to relax and enjoy, unafraid of the need to accomplish something.  We will accomplish things then, too, but there will be no need for accomplishments, only the desire to create and the will to glorify the God who has created and given much for us to enjoy. 

Oh how I long for those days.

For now, I will try my darndest to simply enjoy my wife and the scenery that surrounds us, looking gleefully forward to what I know awaits us in the future grandeur of the Kingdom.  

                                                                                                 -Alyosha

The Trouble With Knowledge

“Whenever I hear a brother Christian talk in such a way as to show that he is ignorant of these scientific matters and confuses one thing with another, I listen with patience to his theories and think it no harm to him that he does not know the true facts about material things, provided that he holds no beliefs unworthy of you, O Lord, who are the Creator of them all.  The danger lies in thinking that such knowledge is part and parcel of what he must believe to save his soul and in presuming to make obstinate declarations about things of which he knows nothing.” 

                                                                                     -Confessions, Saint Augustine

This passage stuck out to me as I continued my reading of Confessions today.  It was one of those moments when I found myself guilty of that which I intend to pin on others I have come in contact with.  Augustine keenly reminds us here that it is not necessarily what we know that is of utmost importance but the manner in which we use what we know.  Knowledge, for a Christian, is only viable insofar as it brings about true wisdom; as the Bible gives it, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of true wisdom, so a state of humility, awe, and thanksgiving are what preceed the thriving life of the mind.  What Augustine is concerned with in this passage is not so much scientific accuracy, but with the state of one’s mind and heart before Almighty God.

The last few years, I have endeavored to educate myself as thoroughly as possible on the topics of this world.  Science, psychology, sociology, philosophy, economics – and the list continues – have become exceedingly interesting to me, because becoming more informed about the world we are in lends itself readily to understaning more broadly the God we serve and the extent of the redemptive plan that he unfolded a couple millenia ago.  I have realized, however, that this, much like all things, can quickly become a snare, if my love for these subjects and the knowledge they bring outgrows the love for the Orginator of all things.

I must never forget the One who has given me the intellect to investigate this world and who created the very world I am investigating.  After all, what does it profit a man to gain the world, whether he gains its riches, its popularity, or its knowledge, and yet forfeits his soul by serving these blessings that are paultry in comparison to their Inventor? 

We as Christians should be informed about His world:  as informed as we possibly can be.  Knowledge is an incredible tool that can be thouhgtfully weilded to expand the kingdom of our Lord and Savior, because He is the Truth, and all truth proceeds from Him.  Just as great good can come from using tools for their intended purpose, however, great evil begins when good tools are used to violate the proper order of things.  Augustine is not urging us to lay down this great tool, but reminding us the cost of wielding it improperly.  If ever we find ourselves outside the threshold of humility, our knowledge shifts from virtue to vice, and our character is stained with the vile ether of pride.

The answer, however, is not to forfeit this great tool; truth is simply too precious to the cause of Christ to do that.  Instead, we must discipline our hearts to wield it well, as an expert craftsman practices to create his masterpiece.  This, I am realizing, begins within me, the hardest place for me to begin. 

O, Lord, may knowledge produce virtue in me, and virtue, kindness, and kindness compassion, and compassion, brotherly affection. 

                                                                                          -Alyosha

welcome to windham

FRESH AIR…I am breathing now. 5am the alarm went off in our city apartment as we rolled off the air mattress (we slept in front of the fire last night), showered, packed up, took out the trash, stopped on the corner to grab a bagel, and jumped on the subway. 8:30am we climbed on the bus that would deliver us to our escape. As we exited the city and drove into the mountains we were overwhelmed by hills covered with pompoms of color; reds, oranges, yellows, browns, even purples. As the bus climbed higher and higher into the the mountains we left a land of color and entered a winter wonderland (a pleasant surprise). All the trees were lightly dusted with snow, the mountain creeks and rivers trickled, still unfrozen and a bald eagle flew over our heads.

Three hours of driving and we entered a quaint little victorian town nestled at the base of an enormous ski mountain. “Windham!” yelled the driver as he opened the door and dropped Dan and I off at the convenience store across from the little public library and drove away. 

The mountain air was so crisp. My lungs were rejoicing. My face was nipped by the glorious cold. We stopped in at a little vegan cafe called ”reFresh” to orient ourselves and grab some lunch. After asking for directions to the Bed and Breakfast, we set out on the mountain roads on foot, backpacks strapped, for the 3 mile or so walk to our lodging. Cars passed, drivers staring. We could see the confusion on the mountain towners’ faces. “Crazy city folk, walking everywhere.”

When we finally made it, we entered an empty house, only greeted by a folded card on the countertop, labeled, “Daniel.” A note inside told us to make ourselves at home. The inkeepers (three brothers) would be back shortly. As we ventured farther into the house we could tell that “home” was just what this would be for the next two nights. the flickering flame in the old wood burning stove was the only living thing in the house. Antique furniture, creeking wood floors, bowls of fruit and granola bars, an upright piano with open music on it’s stand, awaiting a daring entertainer, photographs of local fall foliage, a second story porch with a mountain view lit by an afternoon sun; these were some of my first impressions at the Catskill Lodge.

So, here we will be for the next two days without taxi or subway, without hotdog stands, without skyscrapers. Only the creation of the Almighty and the quietness of this little mountain town to greet us in the morning.

GLORIOUS.

-Jane