spring awakening

Something about the earlier sunrise, the longer days, and that slightly warmer New York City wind makes me want to breathe much more deeply. It’s a new day; a new season. I just went for a walk in Central Park and it is (once again) buzzing with people. That long black jacket can finally be folded up and put away. I just love this time of year; a reminder of Resurrection. What for so long has seemed dead is bursting forth with life again.

Lord, how many times I have died and shown no signs of resuscitation. But you lift me up from the grave and set my feet upon the rock. How amazing is your never ending love that we may rest in the care of your mighty hand? 

-Jane

God’s voice

What does it mean to hear God’s voice? Is it biblical?

chasing the wind

I am feeling, today, the distance of all my loved ones. How I long for constant fellowship with my lifetime friends rather than this broken line of hinted friendships dispersed between days that begin and end in my little island of an apartment, desolate and empty; a sea of walls separating my beloved and I from the rest of mankind. I loathe my heart for adventure for it has brought me far from those I cherish, and I fear it will never lead me home to them again.

I feel as though I have let them all down. Is what I am chasing in this wide world worth the distance, longing, and tears? I could very well serve God no matter where I go, so why is it that i continue to draw a line on my map that leads farther and farther from home?

-Jane

sabon

This morning I had a thought while i stood at my kitchen sink, taking a moment before I left for work to scrub my hands with lavender vanilla salt scrub and rub on some carrot hand lotion from my favorite body boutique, Sabon. Where will i find these simple pleasures i have grown to love from this city when one day i move from here? I know that life is not wrapped up in salt scrubs and carrot lotions by any means, but it was a moment that reminded me to tarry; to savor this sweet minute. For a day may come when the simple pleasures i have been invited to indulge in will pass away, and the Lord will bring a new carrot lotion into my life…

moments like this make me faintly taste the tears i will inevitably cry when it’s time to say good-bye to New York City and hello to some place new.

-Jane

my cup overflows

I have been designated by my father and older sister (“due to your gifts and creativity in this area,” they say) to be the organizing director of the family gift for my incredible mother’s 50th birthday this April. As I sit at work sending e-mails and drafting up a plan to put together a DVD of pictures, memories, and video greetings from our family across the US and abroud, I am totally in my element. I am so excited to put together this collection showing how blessed we have been by her over the years. Tears are flowing from my eyes and I’m choking up as I remember her quirks, her loves, and the many hats she has worn in my life.

But what is overwhelming me the most is how I have come to need her more and more every year.

She is a joy, a friend, an advisor, a light in my life. She is the voice on the other end of the line that let’s me know all will be well. She is the one who cannot hide her disappointment when we let her down, but always springs back with the redeeming factor. She loves any song, as long as she can dance to it. She is a master at finding incredible $5 bottles of merlot, and this is her water of life. She loves an early morning walk in the snow, with her golden retrievers.

My mom looks fabulous. She is the mother of four, a grandmother-to-be, and a wife of 26 years.

You are, Mother, a blessing simply for having been in our lives.

Loving you and looking forward to celebrating you.

-Jane

I recieved this reminder from my 17 year old sister, a faithful walking believer for the past 6 years: 

“Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. They shall be like a tree planted by water, sending out its roots by the stream. It shall not fear when heat comes, and its leaves shall stay green; in the year of drought it is not anxious, and it does not cease to bear fruit.”
         -Jeremiah 17:7

I love you, sister in Chirst. So glad that you and I are not only daughters of the same Earthly father and mother, but you and I, Sister, are daughters together of the King of heaven. Have a blessed day.

-Jane

my office: definately not in kansas anymore

I happen to work at a very backwards office. In the design world, most offices focus on fostering a creative and relaxed atmosphere so as to produce the best working environment for their employees. Mine is quite the opposite. Located on the bottom two floors of the NYC townhouse home of the married president and vice president of the company, it is stark, cold, and strictly run.

There is absolutely no food allowed at our desk, yet we are provided with no break room in which to eat. We are constantly reminded by the Mrs. that we must show up to work each day in absolutely pristine professional attire, yet she walks around in her pajamas all day long. We may not have a coffee maker in the office, but Mr. has an espresso machine which we must run to and from to grab him another at the drop of a hat (at least 8 times a day). Constant yelling, screaming, and slamming of doors can be expected on a daily basis.

There are also some colorful perks to working here, like the talking African gray parrot, Urbano, who sits in my office. But today really takes the cake. It’s a quiet afternoon at the office as all of the bosses are in Europe on “business.” There are two Scottish Terriers that roam around the office, one white, one black. Today, someone must have injected them with prozac because they came flying down the stairs at incredible speeds such as I had never seen before, and into my office, frantically chasing one another back and forth, growling and panting. I thought this to be kind of odd. Then suddenly, as if i was helucinating, a tiny brown chiwahwah came gracefully trotting through my door. I have never seen this dog in my life. I have no idea where she came from and no idea where she ran off to when i tried to catch her.

TGIF…

-Jane

lunch, my love?

My cell phone rings; you are crossing over Park Ave. I don my jacket, scarf and hat before whisking out the office door. You stand there, hidden from the servailance camera so they don’t see us embrace, for your hair is freshly cut (i know it is solely for me). We brave the bitter cold wind that blows down 69th and duck into a shop for some sushi. We talk. You hate your new haircut. I am disappointed. But then, we laugh. We move on to some errands, but what’s this? A new chocolate shop! we must stop in for a little taste. One white chololate raspberry praline for me, and a cappucino truffle for you. mmmm…sweet. We reach our destination, Benjamin Moore, to purchase some paint samples. Tonight we have a date: dinner at home and test painting to make our stark apartment feel more like a home.

You are my city love.

-Jane

hello. goodmorning. how’ve you been?

So it’s plain to see that I am not yet one of those who writes when she’s depressed. It has been a long winter, and with it has come a slump in life, faith, and discipline. The distance of friends and family has been deeply felt, the question of God hanging heavily on my heart.

But, oh, how joyous to be lifted up and full of life once again. My heart sings at the riches and blessings which are from God alone. I rejoice, for God is a God who invites us to question, invites us to search, for in Him we will find Truth.

“Truly God is good to Isreal, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked… Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will recieve me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 75:1-3, 23-26)

I am thankful for a new Bible study that provides intense accountability, a husband who shows me the grace and mercy of God, friends who remind me of God’s goodness, and a life that i have done nothing to warrant deserving it.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Prase him, all creatures here below! Praise him above, you heavenly hosts! Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! Amen!

-Jane

When I Get Where I’m Going

When I get where I’m going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I’m gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I’m gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it’s like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I’ll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I’m going
Don’t cry for me down here

I’m gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he’ll match me step for step
And I’ll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I’ll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can’t answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I’m going
And I see my maker’s face
I’ll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I’m going
There’ll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I’m going
Yeah when I get where I’m going
- Brad Paisley